Today is the anniversary of an event that was a huge part of my life. It's weird how time flies so quickly...

Anyway, I went to Delaworld (orientation) a week ago this past Thursday. It was alright. I got horribly sick from the food, but I guess I'll warm up to it? Gahh. I registered for classes, and I have: English 110, Elementary Human Physiology, Nutrition Concepts, French 107, University Studies 111, and Study Skills. English is MWF at 8 am, but that hopefully won't be too bad. Plus, I may be getting exempt from it because of supa ::crosses fingers::. I'm done on Fridays by noon, so that'll be awesome when I go down to see Steve at UVA. I found a Starbucks I can work at that's two blocks away from the main campus, so that'll be awesome in terms of being able to transfer. I may be getting a job at the Apple store, too. I'd get 25% off, and a free iPhone next month (that is, if i get my ass over there any time soon). Graduation went really well, my Dad was so suprised when I sang, and my Grandma couldn't stop crying. It was really incredible, and it was the best feeling I've ever had. Otherwise, I've been keeping pretty busy with work and hanging out with Steve, who is doing wonderfully as well :]. He planned out a whole day in the city for our 6 month anniversary, which is in less than 3 weeks! It was a total suprise up until about 2 weeks ago. Everyone (including my parents, his friends, my friends, and most people at work) knew about it for about three months. He's taking me to Central Park for a carriage ride, then to the most romantic restaurant in the city called One if by Land, Two if by Sea. Then we're going to see Wicked! I'm so excited... it's going to be the most perfect day.

The rents are doing alright, Dad's still struggling, and we haven't gotten a call yet about a lung for him. Apparently he gets taken off the list in August, which is comlete bullshit. I told my mom again that I'd go through with the surgery to donate a piece of mine if we don't get called in by August... it'll be an interesting next few months with that going on.

How's everyone doing?

after prom and graduation are over, i believeee my hair might look something like this:

opinions?

things are changing too fast.

high school is pretty much done.
today i took my last high school test... ever.
dance / possibly my last time on stage will be june 10th.
prom is in a week
graduation is in 23 days
i don't know where i'm going to school anymore
dad's getting worse, and that scares me.
lauren and her family are moving to texas
my mom said they'd be gone by july... aka 2 months from now.
3 months till i move in somewhere else than here
... and even sooner than that, it might be a good idea to decide where i'm going.

am i supposed to be feeling this stressed?

It's been a while. Cats is opening sooner than I thought; I leave for Italy TOMORROW!! (super excited about that); and I have to make a decision about next year realllllllly soon. I'm so confused. I visited UDelaware yesterday and I loved it. Out of the other schools, it's pretty much at the top of my list. It's really big though, and I'm not sure if that's really good or ehh not so good. It's warmer than here and the people are really nice. But Susquehanna gave me a lotttttt of money, and it's gorgeous there. I got accepted into the honors program at SU and I know there's a legit theatre program, but I'm not so sure about UD. At UD I probably wouldn't be able to get as involved as I would be able to at SU because it's so big and there are a lot more people. Do I want to stay in theater though? And if I'm at SU, it would take me a lot longer to get home in case of an emergency than it would for me to get home from Delaware. Delaware has a lot more programs than Susquehanna but I don't know what I want to study yet. Coming from Wheatley, I feel like I don't want a school where everyone's business goes around quickly, so in that sense, UDel is so much better. Steve's going to UVA, so of course that adds a little weight to UDel, but do I want to base my decision on someone after a 2-month long relationship? Maybe he's the one I'm supposed to follow. I know he wouldn't be thrilled if I was at Susquehanna, but I know he'd support me either way. So it's between those two, and it's going to be an extremely tough choice.

::sigh::

flipping a coin seems like the only solution at this point.



Oh right, I have to pack for Italy tomorrow? Shit. I'm sure I'll update again after Italiaaaaaa <3

fuck the whole not writing in this anymore. i miss updating.
it feels like summer is so close, with everything picking up speed (and just from being a second semester senior) it just feels like the summer will be here in absolutely no time at all. I have such mixed feelings though... I can't wait for college because it's just going to relieve so much stress about deciding where to go once I get there, and I feel like all this confusion with what I'm actually doing with my life will kind of calm down once I get into the swing of things. At the same time though I don't want to leave. It's going to be so weird not seeing everyone from school everyday, and now that Steve and I have gotten into this pattern of seeing each other every day, we're practically attached at the hip. Lauren is probably moving away and even if she stayed here, we'd be farther apart than we ever have been. Gahhhhhh.

Anyway, summer jobs is kind of becomnig an issue. I could do starbucks, friends academy, or the gym. Starbucks is a pain in the ass but the hours are flexible, and I'd be making $9 an hour, which is better than the rest. FASC I'd be making 1300 for the whole summer and I'd be dealing with 800 6-year olds for 8 weeks straight, and the hours aren't flexible at all... but i'd be out in the sun which is kinda a plus. And at the gym i'd probably be making minimum wage and i'd be stuck behind a desk. Starbucks is looking pretty good now, I guess?

Hmm. So 38 days till Italy. And when I get back I have hell week for Cats, then the performances, and then one week before I have to make my decision about schools next year. My mom said she can't take me away to look at the schools that I applied to, and I don't want to make a decision before seeing them. Sooooooooooooo a road trip with Steve might be in store! Totally psyched for that.

Life has been pretty damn skippy the past 5 weeks or so. I'm extremely happy and everything just seems to be going exactly my way.

Yesterday was incredible. The pre-calc midterm was pretty easy and I felt pretty confident about it. After I got home, I cleaned the house and got ready. I celebrated with a few friends, mostly the girls from school plus Bobby, Lauren, and Mendes. We pranked the guy from the diner that gave us his number, and Lau was hilarious. Speaking of Lau, we're going to the Cartel concert on February 9th! WOOHOOO! Kel got us tickets for free, and it's been sold out for a while now. I'm so excited!

I'm too lazy to do a lj cut, but here are some pics from last night, the rest are on facebook.
courtesy of Stacey:



^ loooove my diner ladies


APES LOVERS<3


Starting with the note from Stacey, last night made me realize how badly I'm going to miss everyone from school that I've gotten so close with this year... Stacey, Janet, Sandra, Aly, Michelle.... they're all such incredible people, and it's just sad that next year we won't see each other every day for 6th period talks at Tilly's table. I know we'll keep in touch, but it's just going to be a lot different. Hmph.

I've been feeling so distant the past few days, I just don't feel like me. I haven't opened a book in about 3 weeks, and all the schoolwork is seriously catching up with me. This weekend alone, I have to study for midterms and do so many assignments that I don't even know where to start. Yesterday I was thinking a lot, and despite how well I've been dealing with certain circumstances, I can't help but rethink everything that's happened over the past 9 months... between school, friends, family stuff, a relationship, and everything else, I feel like I got lost somewhere inbetween.
    As much as I've convinced myself that I'm better off after the break up, I just feel like I don't have any closure, and I got the sense that he didn't even care that we ended, and that makes me wonder whether or not I was the only one that meant all the things that were said. I wish things had worked out, and I wish that even know, we could be friends like we said we would be. :[
    I came to the conclusion yesterday that I don't want to be a lawyer, and that I want to do something creative, not sit behind a desk for the rest of my life. My mom keeps saying it, and I'm finally realizing that she has a point. Why the fuck am I not going into theater? I may not be great at it overall, but it's what I love to do. And if it's the thing that makes me most happy, then why should I be giving that up for anything else in the world? I keep telling myself that it would be stupid to, because it's so risky, competitive, and it probably wouldn't support the kind of life I want to lead - with a family. Dance? Forget about it, I could kiss my dreams of having children and enough money to put food on the table goodbye. ::sigh:: I didn't schedule any appointments to audition at any school, and all my applications were already sent out. Great job, Em.
    On a better note, I turn 18 in 6 days! Woohooooo :D

The weekend so far has been sick :D
I turn 18 in 10 days!! Eepppp! I'm thinking about getting a tattoo or something pierced. Hmm. If I get a tattoo it won't be anything big or noticeable, but I'm still debating whether I want one in the first place. And the piercing is between bellybutton, seconds, or middle ear (like cartliage but lower). I think John is taking me into the city to this really great tattoo/piercing parlor, and we'll see what happens from there.

Sweet Charity has been going well, it's been a lot of fun getting to know the girls from dance a lot better!

I'm so fusturated though... I just want to go to college and meet new people. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my friends from Long Island, but I just feel like it should be June already. We've started planning prom, and that just makes me want it to be the spring even more, especially with Italy coming up. I should be hearing from Ithaca and Susquehanna any day now, and I'm really pushing for Ithaca. I ended up not applying to Fordham, NYU, or Adelphi... basically because I don't feel like doing the applications. (Oh hey senioritis.. whats up.).

Alright, more later... adios!

This is the best I could have asked for!
I can't really get into detail about anything now, but things are just taking a turn for the best... and we'll leave it at that.

:D

Aaaaaaanyway, I found a prom dress I absolutely love! Yeah, so prom isn't for another 5 months, but we're already booking our limo, so I'm just starting to look around. It's not exactly traditional, but it's really my kind of style, it's lace on the top part. and then it has three tiers for the bottom, pink on the top, lavendar in the middle, and pink on the bottom. It's probably easier if you just see a picture, but I'm too lazy. So y'all can just use your imaginations. I'm really excited for prom, our limo so far has a lot of really fun people, and as of now, there's 10 couples in our car (aiiee!), so we're in the process of deciding between a party bus and the hummer stretch. Anyone have any connections / suggestions of places to book from?

Other than that, life is pretty normal. 2007 is starting off to be absolutely wonderful. <3

(Oh yeah, and everyone should read "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom)

I have never felt so alone.

Texas was sick! I loved it there, and I loved seeing the extended Hoffman family, they're incredible people. The week was full of Culver's, alcohol, christmas presents, babies, dogs, and of course, lots and lots of family time. Some songs I'll never, ever have to hear again: Dick in a box, I Want to Love you, and Smack That. hahahah ohhhh lord. Lau and I didn't really do much last night to ring in the new year because we had to leave Bob and Julia's at 7:30, so we just watched the ball drop twice, once for New York, once for Dallas. Then we had to get up at 5am this morning.... to catch a 10:05 flight back to New York. You think I'm kidding? .... Yeah, no. Mehh. I'm happy to be home though, I missed my parents (weird, huh?), and I just missed the comfort of home. I found out some great news while down south! I got into Babson on early action with $11,700! Wheee! So now I have two acceptances, Babson and Hope, and one deferral, Boston College. Ithaca and Susquehanna's letters should be coming within the next two weeks, and between now and then, I have about 7 more applications to send out. Then I won't hear about anything from anywhere til April. I'm getting excited though, now that it's 2007, everything is kind of settling in and I'm realizing that this is it, the last few months of high school. It's weird, but I'm starting to anticipate August. Yay!

New Years Resolutions:
1) Not to trust people as easily as before
2) Not to fall as hard, and to take things slow.
3) To become less self-conscious
4) SAVE MONEY FOR ITALY!!!! :D
5) Learn to cook

hahah pretty lofty goals, but we'll see how everything works out...
Happy New Year everyone!

Dress for a bunch of occasions for over the holidays (JCrew, on sale for $99):


It's in a wreath green color, ahh! I love it :D
Opinions?

Yeah, so that's what I do instead of studying. I'm SO getting into college... pshh.

Anywhooo, yesterday Andrew had a bunch of us over (Saturday, a party at Andrews, never saw that coming! haha). It was probably the most fun I've had in a while. I learned how to play beer pong from this kid John, and we all sang Jack's Mannequin together... drunk. It was incredible. I feel like the guys have opened up to me a lot more, I guess I intimidated them before, if that makes any sense. The "reason" for the party was because he's moving into his basement, so I bought him some housewarming presents: chcolate dipped chips ahoy, powdered donuts, glass drink coasters with the definitions of sober, plastered, hungover, drunk, tipsy, and one more i forget, and a disc shooter thing. haha he loved them, and his mom tried to steal his coasters, haha.

Friday with the girls was wonderful, Cait, Maggie, Lauren and I went to triple crown and got a REALLY BIG waffle, hahahaha. Lauren pranked these guys, and it was absolutely histerical. Ben and Stacey came over for a little, and it was pretty swell getting to see them. After Lauren left, the three of us attempted to share a bed, Maggie ended up on the floor though. haha we love you Mags<3. All in all, it was a pretty sick night.

Tonight I made dinner for my parents, Shepard's Pie!! WHOOHOOOO!
(and no, my kitchen is not currently burning down.)

15 days until Christmas!!! :D

... Oh wait, what's that burning smell?

hahaha over and out.

I'm feeling much better than yesterday :D

... except that I just got back from the doc's, Ferguson said he wants me to have the surgery during December break... as in TWO FREAKING WEEKS FROM NOW. oyyy. So that's a huge possibility right now. Hopefully this won't interfere with Cats, I know I wouldn't be able to do Sweet Charity with the dance company, but whatever. I just want this to be fixed, pronto.

For once, Wes Berkowitz actually did his job. ::gasp!:: Somehow Boston College didn't get part of my application on time eventhough the guidance department sent their part out in mid-November, and I sent my part in wayyy in advance. So he called them today, and they said it just got processed late on their part, so I'm being considered for Early Action again. Yay! I should hear from them at some point during the week of the 20th. :D

Things to look forward to:
sleepover with Cait & the Mags tonight
house-warming party at Andrew's tomorrow night
OLV on Tuesday :D
Rock for Charity on the 16th (possibly)
Aly's Christmas party on the 17th
Seeing Serena for the first time in ages on the 19th!
ICU Luncheon on the 22nd
Possible city trip with Miss Kate Doppelt on the 23rd<3
oh yeah, and my favorite holiday in 17 days! CHRISTMAS!! :D

Wheeeee!

I'm considering going back to FASC this summer

:D

Hmm. Yeah, kinda excited. I'd go back as a general camp counsler, not a dance counsler. Wheeeee. There's nothing else I'd really be doing other than that except Starbucks, but we shall seeee.

And tomorrow's December?!?!?! Eeeek! 25 days till Christmas :D

I've decided to make this public again. No one reads it anyway :D

I'm in over my head.
I can't deal with all the different things that my head keeps telling me.
Why can't I ever make a decision and just go with it?
Why do I have to get myself so upset.
::sigh:: i just want to be happy again.

work today was insane, and i still have so much work left to do for school tomorrow. at least i'm done with christmas shopping (save for my parent's, but at starbucks we get 40% off as of tomorrow, so then absolutely everything'll be done.) I've already wrapped everything else, it's all ready to go. 30 days till christmas!

Hmm, what else... I might be going to Italy with OLV in April! I could not be any more excited, I'm so happy to be able to spend my last spring break of high school with the people I love most. (and note, NONE of them are from wheatley. wahhhooooo! :D ) So that'll be from the 4th till the 13th, so I'll be there for Easter and Good Friday.... and we're having a papal audience with the pope! We're going to Ascissi (sp?), Rome, Florence, and Sienna! Eeeep!!

Back tracking a little, I think I'm going to end up quitting Starbucks at the end of this coming summer... even though I absolutely adore the people there and everything, it's just too stressful. Mo is completely insane, and in the past 2 months, we've lost 5 people because they've quit... because of her. So, all of this searching for schools based on whether or not they have a starbucks nearby... that's out. And I've decided that it's either going to be Susquehanna or Ithaca... we'll see how everything plays out over the next few months. And besides, I don't have to make a decision until May. I want to go to SU, because it's absolutely amazing there, it's gorgeous, I love the people, and Chris is there... it'd be so much better being able to see him everyday. BUT! Ithaca has a lot more programs... SU is great, and as much as I love it, it doesn't offer as many programs. hmph. I hate these big decisions.

Thanksgiving was wonderful, the Grundy's came down from canada, and we all went to the Hoffman's house for dinner. The next night, we had the Hoffman's over, and the Grundy's were staying with us anyway, and we had meat pie and beans. It was delicious! It's more of a Canadian tradition, but it was really yummy. :D Aunt Barbara kept trying to get me to drink her wine, and that was absolutely hilarious, and the night ended well, the Grundys visit was great, and it was nice to get to see them again!

Anyway, I've gotta get to working on all this homework. boo. How was everyones' thanksgivings?

:D

that is all.

So it was a wonderful weekend. Billy Joel was absolutely incredible, and it just completely turned around my mood. Krista and I had an awesome time, and on top of that, we saw Mary and Cait at the concert so they came to our seats for a while and it was just absolutely perfect. I hadn't been that happy in a while and it was just the most wonderful feeling ever. ♥

Other good news;
1) I got into SUPA! It's an english program offered next year that's basically the first year of college english, so chances are I'll be exempt from taking it freshman year :]
2) April break is going to be absolutely amazing.
3) This research paper is a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. Probably just because I have a ton of background stuff about it, but still. It definitely helps.
4) I'm a lot happier this week, my friends are the greatest and I'm so lucky for every single one of them.
5) Lauren and I are going to a SAT prep class starting Thursday night. There better be some cute boys or we're protesting.

I'm feeling good about the next few weeks. &hearts;

So. Billy Joel played

So I just got off the phone with the head of the summer camp I applied to, and I have an interview Saturday morning. I'm actually excited. ♥

This weekend is going to be insane, Saturday will be at least. The interview is an hour away, and that's at 10am, then I have to come back home, then be at the Church basement at 1pm to set up for Karaoke night, and that's 45 minutes away in the opposite direction, and then Krista's coming back here and we're leaving to go see Billy Joel and then when that's over, we're supposedly going back to Karaoke Night? oyy.

By the way, if anyone wants tickets to Karaoke Night, it's still not too late! Let me know if you want tickets and how many, they're $10 each and it's from 8pm-1am in Rosedale. Prizes go to the best singer in the categories teen, adult male, and adult female, and all the money goes to benefit Children's Cancer Care. Seriousally, even if you don't want to perform, please come and support Children's Cancer Care. It's going to be an awesome night too.


p r e t t y s o o n s h e ' l l f i g u r e o u t
what his .intentions. were about -©-
and that's what you get for falling again
you can never get him out of your head